I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dick very happy bro
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
