I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
