I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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