This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
