Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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