yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
