lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm bleeding and have questions
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
