Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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