i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
