you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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