That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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