Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize