the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
