don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
