I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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