Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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