at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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