Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
