I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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