I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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