I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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