never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
