im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
