Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize