I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
