Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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