Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
