Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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