I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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