The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
