you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
