I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
