I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
