i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
