Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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