Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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