Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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