remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize