Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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