How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
