im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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