I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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