I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
