Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
