Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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