my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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