Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
