They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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