Ambien. No doubt about it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
