ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
