I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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