Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
