On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
