would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize