She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
