I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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