Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
