That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
PANTIES FOUND
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
