well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
