How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
