Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize