I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
