If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
