the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
