textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
