i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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