Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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