You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
false alarm. still invincible.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
