I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
