I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
