soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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