He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
