ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
