when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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