i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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