My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
