Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize