i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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