His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
