Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
