Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
