Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
one might say we're banned from that church
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
