hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
