Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
