girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
